there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
