I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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