If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
