how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Still dying that you shit outside
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
