You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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