Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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