or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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