Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
