Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
