Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have feelings that need drinking.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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