Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
