If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
