either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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