I'm really into asian looking animals
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
