You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
vagina is talking i cant
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
