I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
