I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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