Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
