he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
