and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
