either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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