he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
