Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
