listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
