i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
