You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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