So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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