I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
