Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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