guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
