Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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