If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
