K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
