Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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