She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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