I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
