Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Couch. On fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
