I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
