Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
