I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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