Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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