apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
