Moan for me like Helen Keller
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
