I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
