The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you win again, gameday.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
