Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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