My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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