One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
