Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
