Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
