as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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