i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
