i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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