Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
