When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
