Can i not drive my cunt home
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
