i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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