Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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