i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
