I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
