Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
