At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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