He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
love makes seman taste better
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
