dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
