I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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