you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
