if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
