smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
