Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
