I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
