this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
